Last week, we began our Lenten series on Forgiveness: A Journey from Hurt to Freedom and I began by walking towards the “first cairn of this Second Mountain” namely, to become more self-aware of our need for forgiveness in our own lives. One of the critical steps to understanding unforgiveness in our lives and why we remain so hurt is to better understand what forgiveness is not and what really is in terms of faith and the biblical notion of forgiveness. To that end I have a helpful list from William Meninger of what forgiveness is not:

  • Forgiveness is not forgetting.

  • Forgiveness is not condoning.

  • Forgiveness is not a form of absolution.

  • Forgiveness is not reconciliation.

  • Forgiveness is not done for the offender.

  • Forgiveness does not release the offender from all obligations.

  • Forgiveness is not a pretense.

  • Forgiveness is not once-and-for-all event or action.

  • Forgiveness is not a sign of weakness.

  • Forgiveness does not entail a loss of face.

  • Forgiveness does not dissipate all the feelings of anger immediately.

  • Forgiveness is not simply a brutal act of the will.

 Forgiveness is:

  • Forgiveness is a process.

  • Forgiveness is a form of realism.

  • Forgiveness is done for oneself.

  • Forgiveness is setting oneself free to live in the present.

  • Forgiveness is no longer wanting to take revenge on our offenders.

  • Forgiveness allows us to accept inner peace.

  • Forgiveness is choosing freedom over captivity.

  • Forgiveness allows us to realize that we are more than victims of abuse and injustice.

  • Forgiveness is a decision that we have done enough hiding, suffering, and hating.

  • Forgiveness frees us from painful memories and destructive impulses.

  • Forgiveness recognizes that wounds can heal.

  • Forgiveness recognizes that the scars which are left behind can become even stronger than the original tissue.

  • Forgiveness is a sign and a cause of positive self-esteem.

  • Forgiveness allows us to love ourselves again.

  • Forgiveness is discovered when we allow the healing to take place.

  • Forgiveness is not something that we do directly but is something that happens to us when we choose freedom.

  • Forgiveness helps us to be creative and enter into life-giving relationships again.

  • Forgiveness gives us both a power and a freedom over ourselves and over others.

  • Forgiveness divests oneself of the desire for revenge and retribution.

  •  Forgiveness takes time.

  • Forgiveness is a personal decision to step out of the “prison cell of unforgiveness.”

  • Forgiveness is a process that has clear stages.

  • Forgiveness puts us on the journey to a joyful heart.

I also gave a metaphor to help illustrate what unforgiveness is—a prison cell of our own making. Like one of those in the old time Western movies with the sheriff and the prison cell inside. We lock ourselves in that prison cell and throw away the key. We cannot get out even if we want to and we have to accept the help of Jesus who forgives us and offers us the key to unlock the prison cell of our unforgiveness.