As you already know this week has been a difficult week for me. On Monday night my mentor-friend and spiritual director, Fr. Dave Ayotte, died after a yearlong battle with pancreatic cancer. Then on Tuesday afternoon, after a 6+ month battle with pancreatic cancer, my closest brother and best friend, Paul died. It was the hardest 24 hours of my life! Yes, sometimes life throws us some major curl balls!
It was not a surprise that my brother Paul died as we knew he was struggling with immense pain and suffering that comes with pancreatic cancer. But when it actually happened, something inside of me changed and it left a large hole in my heart. I realized that he was not just my brother but he was also my best friend and soulmate. My heart aches so deeply this week, it is hard to express in words the depth of the loss. Yet in another way, it was a relief that his suffering stopped as he went to heaven and was made into a new creation. While he is no longer physically present to me, I truly believe that he is spiritually present and the love we shared remains and indeed continues to grow.
When my brother was first diagnosed, he asked me what book I might suggest he read as he entered into this last stage of his life. I gave my copy of Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom, by John O’Donohue. We read and reread many passages of this book together over the last six months and it gave him great consolation. Ultimately, it was the Word of God that gave him the greatest consolation as he read the scripture most days of his life and realized he would be going home to the Lord. But John O’Donohue offered him many deep spiritual insights into God’s word alive around him.
One of my favorite quotes was one in which I believe Paul lived to the core. “If you send out goodness from yourself, or if you share that which is happy or good within you, it will all come back to you multiplied ten thousand times. In the kingdom of love there is no competition; there is no possessiveness or control. The more love you give away, the more love you will have.” Paul gave himself away to others in extraordinary ways and I believe that love has come back to him a thousand times over and carried him home to the Lord.
This time of Advent is a time of preparation for the Lord’s nativity at Christmas. It is a time we are meant to “prepare the way of the Lord”, “make straight his paths” [Is. 40:3], focus more clearly on living a Christian life focused on loving others, and sending out goodness from ourselves to others. I truly believe that the more we give away our love to others, the more that love will increase. It seems illogical in our culture of rugged individualism, but it is the message of the Gospel—to give ourselves away in love is the message of Christmas as it is what Jesus comes to teach us with his very life.
The weeks before Christmas can be the most stressful of the year and in this year of continued stress with our pandemic restrictions, we don’t need any more stress. Maybe these next weeks before Christmas we can simply focus on the gifts around us and just enjoy the gift of presence of our loved ones—to simply spend time enjoying each other’s companies. That is the ultimate expression of love—compassionate presence. Let’s not wait for Christmas itself, but spend quality time with each other bathing in the love we share.
God Bless,
Fr. Brendan